Marine Drive - 4 am

Its 4 am and I'm sitting at Marine Drive. You know, I could've really started this in whatever way I wanted to. But I chose this because I believe you'd know how much this place means to me. Its almost like being dramatic without creating any drama. Marine Drive is like a drama of nature... where we are subjected to being mere audience. The waves wash away those giant tetrahedrons, there are random ships floating or motoring through the sea, and there are those high rise buildings which have become almost a landmark in The City That Never Sleeps... the city that I've come to love, the first real city I've ever lived in.

And you know that I'm so glad it has taken me in like it has, made me feel a part of it... however small that might be, but a part nonetheless. Everywhere I go - and you know I am not much of an explorer or a traveller even in the city - it feels almost like home. Actually, I just know it feels good... I have been away from home too long now to know what home feels like. I mean my folks are there and there is lots of other stuff that should make me feel at peace but it just isn't home to me. Unlike earlier, I have got no room where I know my stuff would be there, I have none of my school friends around, I have no favorite uncles or aunts etc. Heck! There aren't even any of the shopkeepers, barbers, washer-men, grocery store owners that I love to know and learn from.

And strangely enough, even though none of all that is here at Marine Drive, it still feels like home to me. I always thought I was a man of paradoxes and it has never felt truer earlier. Do you know why? Because it makes me realize that I'm subjected to being mere audience in this ordeal called my life. And contrary to what it appears to be, its a happy realization. Well, on second thoughts, 'happy' wouldn't be appropriate... 'peaceful' would be more like it. It takes away the overbearing sense of responsibility that I can sense weighing down my frail shoulders all the time (that's right, frail shoulders at 24... always been like that!). It makes me feel powerless and fairly vulnerable. And that's really fine by me because I'm tired. I want to let go and start afresh but the world wouldn't let me... actually, I wouldn't let myself.

As I said last time around, I have no clue what I want to say and what I end up saying. You didn't understand this long rant sort of stuff I just said, right? Guess what, even I didn't. So don't bother, I'll call you someday.